Finding Yourself at Church

Like most American church kids, I grew up going to Wednesday night church each week. For much of this time it was all an unmitigated misery as we were compelled to participate in choir activities and then rebuked for not displaying the proper enthusiasm. Granted, there were plenty of us who somehow enjoyed spending the evening singing songs when we could have been playing hide-and-seek or other pleasant diversions, but I just thought those folks were weird.

Needless to say I was greatly pleased when we finally reached the age when we were deemed worthy of activities more interesting than becoming cannon fodder for off-key “show off to your parents” performances. One of the first times where I recall my own individuality being taken into consideration was when they gave us a “Spiritual Gifts” test. For those who don’t know, these tests are basically personality tests that help you figure out what sort of things you are best at or interested in. Armed with this knowledge you can then know how your particular skill set can contribute to the overall community. I can spend my life looking up obscure points of historical interest while my friend Sarah Catherine can continue to enjoying singing as much as she did when we were in choir together twenty-five years ago.

On the one hand, this whole approach makes a whole lot of sense. Taking these sorts of tests helps you distill out from your own desires and the expectations of others what kind of role you can play in the church as you grow up. This is an integral part of the Christian message. Any group of people will have a mix of gifts within it that each will be necessary for healthy growth and life and none of these gifts can be seen as fundamentally greater or lesser than another since they all depend on one another. To put it fancily, what is functionally hierarchical is ontologically egalitarian. (Big words are fun!)

On the other hand, there are some ways in which this focus on an individual’s own interests and practical abilities is open to a peculiarly American form of misunderstanding. We Americans are a very practical people. We are very good at getting things done. It might not be the right thing all the time, but we sure are going to find a way to do it, dammit! Our focus on functionality and the bottom line is one of the key things, for good or ill, that has made us so influential in the world.

In addition to this we are incurable romantics. We believe wholeheartedly that deep down in our hearts we can just know what we need to do. If I have a longing to do this or that, then surely this is what God wants me to do. We have trouble with the idea that it could ever be a good thing to do something as our life’s work that does not resonate with something deep within. Our love for the individual’s quest to find himself in the world leads us to pay attention internal impressions and the practical ability to do given task.

I begin to get antsy when I wonder how consistent our connection between interest/skills and calling is with examples of calling as seen in the Bible. We tend to seek for ourselves and suggest to others that their proper role for God in this life can be found by looking to our practical abilities and within our hearts at what we most enjoy doing. How often in the many biblical accounts of someone being called to an office or even a temporary role is that person’s practical qualifications or even desire to perform the thing in question even mentioned?

The focus in the Bible is much more on the incompetence and unwilling nature of the “hero” than on his ability and eagerness. Even when, with our 20/20 hindsight, we can look back and see how a Moses or a Peter was able to accomplish some great deed for God, is there any mention or real expectation at the time of their calling that they could even do the thing asked of them? Is there any suggestion that an Abraham or an Amos enjoyed the tasks given to them? Or that they had always felt the call towards it? If these things are not the priority in the Bible, then should we really put so much focus on them ourselves?